Well I never blog about my personal struggles, but this morning I felt led to add to my blog what I wrote in my journal this morning. Maybe someone else out there is feeling the same as me and needs to hear this also.
I had been praying that God would fill my husband and myself with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. That we would live a life worthy of the Lord and would be pleasing to him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God. - Colossians 1:9-10
Last night my husband came home from a test and had not passed it. Instead of still rejoicing and praising God though it I let my emotions control me and felt like another "failed" attempt at something. I should have encouraged, uplifted and supported my husband. I was so wrong and this morning asked for his forgiveness.
Well this morning I felt as if the Lord was telling me how can I complete you with a deeper understanding of my will if you can't even rest in me and rejoice in me through things now. Maybe we have been struggling with where God wants us because we truly have not been bearing good fruit and rejoicing through everything. I haven't proven myself worthy to have a deeper understanding of his will. Once I understand and rejoice with where we are on the way to where he is taking us his glory will then be revealed through us.
Lord, thank you for my husband, for his determination, for all his efforts in providing for us, for not giving up but even more so for the God fearing, loving and gentle man that he is. Thank you for the house we rent, thank you for the food on the table, thank you for the job my husband has, thank you that I am able to teach and raise our children.
Lord, forgive me for my selfishness and for being impatient. Lord I rejoice in You and I pray that you bathe me in your forgiveness and mercy. Renew me this morning and fill me with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - Galatians 5:22